Gender roles in Kate & Leopold

So, I was watching the chick-flick Kate & Leopold the other day when I was PMSing and lonely and apparently in the mood to fulfill ALL THE STEREOTYPES by eating pudding (made from almondmilk: warm, wintertime alternative to ice cream) while curled up in front of the space heater and ready to cry at the drop of a hat.

Those of you who know me know I'm very feminist, present as butch (short haircut, unshaven legs, typically masculine clothing choices), and hate gender roles. But despite all this, I love this movie. Why? I'm not quite sure I understand it myself, but I've been doing a lot of thinking about it.

First of all: Hugh Jackman is probably one of the most attractive Hollywood actormen out there. So there's that.

First, tho', the problematic aspects of the movie. It presents chivalry and the 1800s as impossibly romanticised ideals, whereas pretty much every century was terrible for women--most especially poor ones. Chivalry as an *ideal* respects all women, but in *practice* reinforces the madonna/whore dichotomy and presents only very specific women as desirable, worth pursuit, and the others as dirty and subhuman. Chivalry also doesn't play much into the idea of consent or enthusiastic consent. Women are (theoretically; again, not in practice necessarily) presented the opportunity to say "no" to a proposal, but must endure expressions of affection from all potential suitors until given a proposal to say "no" to--and, of course, she could never initiate a relationship or propose to someone herself. Not to mention of course that back in those days women were bartered and traded as property between fathers and suitors for favors, riches, political ties, and maintenance/improvement of class or status. The women in the beginning of this movie, hoping for Duke Leopold's proposal, don't love him or even know him, but he's encouraged to marry one anyway, for the money. While I appreciate that the movie disapproves of this and seems to be holding up love--consensual relationships based on mutual affection--as the ideal, they play it alongside chivalry while ignoring the fact that chivalry CREATED the conditions under which Leopold is originally expected to operate.

Okay, so he's transported to the modern days via time-rift-plot-device and meets Kate. Leopold is seen as desirable because he treats Kate "like a lady," standing when she enters or leaves, writing her pretty notes, saving her purse from a thief while on horseback, making her romantic meals, and "defending her honor" from a sleazy boss trying to get into her pants. He's intelligent, super good looking, and kind. He also speaks in pretty, archaic phrases and seems particularly innocent, due to his childlike wonder at the world of the future.
I don't find Kate particularly attractive, so I don't understand his attraction to her. She's your typical sarcastic, white, beanpole Hollywood starlet--not my type, but I'm not judging anyone who likes that. I appreciate that she's competent and independent, working a demanding job and taking charge when she needs to. Her relationship with Leopold is *supposed* to throw her dissatisfaction with her rat-race life into relief, but I feel like this wasn't terribly clear... it seemed to me she liked and WANTED her job, especially the promotion her boss dangled in front of her. Yes, he wanted to sleep with her and was using the promotion as leverage, but I thought she was (rightfully) upset and frustrated at his sexism and horribleness rather than upset and frustrated at the job itself. When she went back to the 19th century to be with Leopold, I was like, but...! you won't be able to work anymore! WHAT ARE YOU DOING I THOUGHT YOU WERE FEMINIST?

Not to mention, they only know each other for a MAX of one week (because he has to go back thru the rift "on Monday" before it closes, not "next Monday" or anything like that), and it seems clear to me that the inherent misogyny of the 19th century will cause future strife for them, despite not being obvious right away. He says very gender-essentialist things and does stuff like insist on a chaperone for her boss-date or say women wearing trousers are "plain." While it *looks* like he's getting over it as he gets to know Kate, when they're firmly back in the 19th century and surrounded by the misogynistic cultural pressure, will he really present as an anachronistic feminist? I doubt it. She will become his property. Beloved property, but property nonetheless.

I feel like the movie is trying to say to women, "look! Wouldn't it be so nice to just be taken care of rather than busting your ass to take care of yourself? Wouldn't it be nice to marry a sweet, gorgeous gentleman who will protect and defend you so you can just wear pretty dresses and entertain all day? How romantic! *swoon*"

And, okay, this is a legitimate (if unrealistically romanticised and problematic) fantasy, but... This isn't me at all. Why do I love this movie then? I don't want to be in Kate's place--and most women watching chick flicks like this, they want to be in the woman's place, getting the guy, being taken care of and protected. That's the fantasy. Then I realized... I want to be in Leopold's place.

I want to wear the awesome clothes he's wearing. I want to write the pretty notes, know the meanings of all the flowers, cook beautiful meals to nourish my beloved. I want to swoop in for the rescue, defend m'lady's honor and expose sexist, womanizing creeps for what they are. I don't want to treat women as property (obviously) or romantically pursue someone who isn't likewise pursuing me, but... I have to say, some gender roles seem lovely. In my case, however, those gender roles I want are firmly masculine. So, does that still make it a gender role?

It's confusing. I'm both attracted to Leopold physically while wanting *his* place in the romantic equation, not the place opposite him. I don't want to defend and pursue *Kate* tho'. Just, someone. Someday.

Gender roles are such an interesting problem. I'd like to code them, rather than male or female, as feminine and masculine. I wish women were free to be masculine without reproach, and men to be feminine. It's *different* to want masculine gender roles and to want to be a man (which I unequivocally DO NOT want).

I don't know. Romance is a funny thing. What do you guys think?

my butch feminist transformation is complete

for those of you who are squeamish about feminist issues or body hair on women, don't read. But know that you're being silly and misogynist. XD

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EDIT -- just a note to say that I tried the armpit hair thing, dealt with it okay... ultimately didn't like it. off it goes next time I'm in the shower. I honestly never noticed a B.O. difference; it's just itchy.



Those of you who know me fairly well may know that I stopped shaving my legs just before my senior year of high school. I was in my grandparents' house for the summer, shaving in the shower, when I realised that I HATED shaving. I was sitting there with the shaving cream and razor and just going, "I hate this so much." Then WHY was I DOING it?

I hated how much time it took. I hated the inescapable razor burn, due to my extremely sensitive skin. I hated the ingrown hairs. I hated having spiky stubble the very next morning. And I hated being self-conscious if I went without shaving for more than two days and a fine brown pelt could be seen growing there, a testament to my "laziness."

So I stopped. And I haven't shaved my legs since. My parents gave me a lot of flak for it, along with other friends and family trying to talk me out of it. Yes, my legs are just as hairy "as a man's". My dad is half Neanderthal and half gorilla--it's in my genes. That's actually part of what made shaving so terrible. The hair was thick and if I shaved in the morning, I could get a five o'clock shadow of stubble. The hair on my legs is now long, curly, and soft. It's not spiky and itchy and bumpy like it would be if I regularly shaved it.

My parents said I would never have a boyfriend if I didn't shave. I've had two since, one who thought it was awesome that I didn't shave, and one that didn't really care or think about it too much. My parents said I would have a hard time making new friends in college if I didn't conform to certain beauty standards--that I wouldn't make a "good impression" with folks. Well, I met one of my best friends ever at a pre-college summer camp where I was wearing shorts every day (SARAH I LOVE YOU BY THE WAY). I would wear long pants or skirts to church or formal occasions, and one of my cousins requested that I wear long pants when visiting her so I complied. But for the most part my legs were just my legs, and I wore shorts in the heat or to gym (badminton!) class, and that was that.

I have experienced some nastiness from strangers when they see my unshaven legs. Mostly just looks of disgust. But those who are truly my friends don't really care. And those who do care? Aren't my friends. It's that simple.

I do find it interesting, tho', that at times when I would "confess" that I don't shave my legs, people would experience visible relief when I said that I do shave my pits, however. A lot of people frame pit-shaving in terms of sanitation. I tho't the same, to be honest--it was more sanitary, less B.O., etc. But if that were the case, why don't MEN shave their pits? Since they supposedly sweat more, wouldn't it be more necessary for sanitation for men?

I actually haven't seen what my armpit hair looks like, fully grown, since I've shaved them every two days since I was about 11 or so. As an experiment, I'm letting it grow now. So far it feels uncomfortable, a bit itchy, strange because I'm not used to it. I haven't noticed a massive increase in B.O. In fact, the hair can capture my deodorant and hold it close to the skin for longer. I've actually started using a weaker deodorant from LUSH, made from baking soda, herbs, and essential oils--chemical and aluminium salt free--and as long as I apply it daily, I'm fine. The baking soda gets trapped in the hairs and can soak up sweat for longer than if my pit was clean.

I'm waiting until the hairs are at their longest, and I'll give it a week or so to see what I think. So far I'm not the biggest fan of how it feels, and may go back to shaving them. But I want to make a fully informed choice, a personal choice, not a choice foisted upon me by the media and by ad campaigns for ladies' razors.

I mean, I'm cool if people like the feel of smooth legs or whatever. But it's NOT disgusting or unsanitary to let your body remain in its natural state. ESPECIALLY not when there is a male/female double standard, where what is perfectly sanitary for men suddenly becomes the pit of disease and infection for women.

and don't even get me STARTED on women feeling pressure to shave all their pubic hair due to the influence of pornography.


So, yeah, I've done that, and now I've gotten tired of the hair on my head so I have buzzed it short, like Sinead O'Connor or Natalie Portman. If I started wearing my flannel and combat boots again, I would be perceived as quite butch. But, to be honest, I love my body, my female-ness. I just don't conform to a lot of traditional expectations of femininity. I think true femininity is much deeper and more basic than shite like long hair, dresses (altho' I love me some flowing, ankle-length skirts), make-up, jewellery, the colour pink...

And I don't give a flyin' flip what strangers think of me, or how people who don't know me yet perceive me. Besides, my face is actually rather feminine, and one of my favourite things about this haircut is it allows me to showcase all my awesome earrings (I love me some dangly, shiny earrings). So I'm not really worried about being seen as male or whatever. but even if I was, WHO CARES?

Thanks, Daddy, for teaching me not to give a crap what other people think, but only what I think is good, and right. Even when that means I don't care what YOU think, haha. Thank you for being concerned over my health and strength rather than my body conforming to irrational model-standards.

Thanks, Mama, for never making me feel like I had to wear daily make-up to be beautiful, even tho' I know you used to think that about yourself (which was silly of you :P). Thank you for affirming my personal decisions, and always coming to my support and encouragement when I am confused or hurt.

Also, thanks everyone who has complimented me on my new haircut! It just goes to show that some things in society are changing.

I really am feminist at heart. I know there is a backlash against feminists nowadays for some reason, with people railing on and on about "feminazis" and whatever. But feminism is still needed in today's society. Misogyny hasn't disappeared, people, just like racism or classism hasn't disappeared.

UTERUS. MENSTRUATION. VAGINA. CERVIX. VULVA. CLITORIS.

if you're shuddering now but make a lot of dick jokes, then shame on you XD

pax.