Today seems like the kind of day doing its best to make me cry.
I don't want December, and I don't want Christmas. I'm angry at myself for procrastinating away November and for all the mistakes I make at work. Everything is confusing these days. I don't know what I believe in and feel disingenuous for how fervently I used to believe things that I don't believe anymore. Work is more stressful than it needs to be because I actually care about doing a good job and my perfectionism here kills me.
Christmas isn't going to be "the same" this year. I want to be left alone for Christmas. I want to give presents at New Year's instead and just hide away on Christmas day and be alone. is that mean or miserly to want that?
I'm sure I'll be over it soon enough.